Shnaze Co
by Forgotten in Shadows
Summary: The people of Konaha were living there lives, going around doing normal things. Suddenly, there was a knock on a door. It opened to revieal a normal looking girl. 'Hello sir or madam......'
1. Chapter 1

This idea just popped into my head while I was sitting there staring at the wall. Hope you like it!

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It was a wonderful day for the village of Konaha. So, naturally, it was a horrible day for Uchiha Sasuke. He was sitting on his couch, brooding at the lack of stormy weather, or screams of pain. You know, things normal people would usually try to avoid. While Sasuke sat on his emo-couch thinking emo-thoughts, chewing quietly on his emo-snacks (Now low in fat! Try our two new flavors: Self-pity Salt, and Wrist-slashing Watermellon!), there was a knock on his door. Sasuke turned his head to the door. After there was another knock, he got up and grabbed his trusty anti-fangirl bat (just in case). He went over to the door and called out, "Who is it?" 

"Sasuke," the person called, "It's me! Naruto! Let me in!"

Sasuke frowned (not that he wasn't frowning before. His frown just got deeper), "Go away dobe, I'm not in the mood today."

"You're never in the mood. Come on Sasuke, just let me in!"

After a breif hesitation, Sasuke threw caution (and common sense) to the wind and opened the door. He then saw everyone's favorite blonde fox-boy on his pourch with a backpack and a pillow. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

'What the crap?' he thought.

Naruto smiled a bit, "Hey, my apartment complex is being fumigated, can I stay at your place for a few days?" He then saw the bat in Sasuke's hand, "What's with the bat?"

Sasuke thought breifly if he should smack Naruto with the bat, then close the door. As apealing as this idea was, he scrapped it when faced with the realization that he'd probably get in trouble for having an unconsious Naruto on his front pourch. Sighing, he decided for the traditional approch.

"No."

"Aw, come on Sasuke, please?"

"Don't you have any other people you could annoy?"

Naruto glared at him, "Iruka-sensei is having realitives over, Sakura's parents won't let her have a boy in the house, Kiba's on a mission, Hinata blushed and fainted, Neji said he'd rather have his skin peeled off, Ino laughed at me, Shikamaru said "troublesom" and closed the door, Chouji doesn't have a guest room, I don't know where Tenten lives, I don't WANT to know where Lee lives, and Kakashi-sensei would probably kill me in my sleep."

Sasuke thought for a second, "What about Shino?" he asked.

"Shino's the reason WHY my apartment complex is being fumigated."

At this, the great Uchiha Sasuke was stumped. Aparently, there was no where to send Naruto off to. Then again, he'd probably be fine on the streets. Sure! Naruto wasn't a TOTAL whimp, he could survive a few days in the woods. Yeah, that would wo-

"If you say no now, I'll just keep comming back."

Drat, that scraps that plan. Oh well, only one thing to do. Might as well take it like a man.

Sasuke gritted his teeth, "Fine."

At this Naruto grinned, "Thanks Sasuke. Don't worry, you won't even know I'm here." Sure, yeah, like that's going to happen. Sasuke moved out of the way of the door to alow Naruto into his house. With a sigh, he said, "Follow me" and led Naruto through his house to his guest room. Upon reaching said guest room, he opened up the door to reviel a simple, modest room. Everything in this simple, modest room was covered in a simple, modest layer of dust.

Naruto looked around, "When's the last time you had anyone in this room?"

"Never." Wow, Sasuke's never had anyone over. Well, I guess that makes sense. It's not like any relatives would be stopping in, and Sasuke doesn't really have any friends to speak of (besides Naruto, but you'd have to pluck his hairs out one by one to get him to admit it). Huh, oh well. After Naruto walked into the room, Sasuke slamed the door after him. Making his way back to the couch, he continued to do exactly what he'd been doing before Naruto came over. That was nothing.

Just then, there was another knock on the door. Sasuke furrowed his brows. 'Who is it now?' he thought as he made his way over to the door. Opening it, he saw Sakura. Standing on his pouch. With a backpack. And a pillow. What the heck?

"Hey Sasuke-kun!" she said happily. Sasuke twitched. Sakura continued, "My parents are going out of town, and I can't stay at my house by myself, could I stay with you?"

Sasuke glared at her, hoping that if he did it long enough, his intense stare would eventually burn a hole in her forehead. It wasn't working. "No."

Sakura pouted, "Come on Sasuke-kun, please? I've got no where else to go!"

Sasuke raised his eyebrow.

Sighing, the pink haired girl explained, "Ino's mom is redecorating their guest room, Tenten and Chouji don't have guestrooms, Hinata was pushed out of the way by Neji who screamed "Will you people stop comming here!?", I can't ask Lee, Kiba's on a mission, Shino freaks me out, Shikamaru said "troublesome" and closed the door, and Kakashi-sensei would probably kill me in my sleep."

Sasuke's eyebrow rose even more. If it weren't attached to his head, it'd probably have flown off into the air, shoot up into space, and be burned up in the atmosphere. He continued to just stare at Sakura while she pouted. Sakura, seeing how the pout wasn't working, decided to pull out the big guns. Opening her eyes up wide, she somehow chibi-fied herself and stared at Sasuke with a look so cute, it would make Neji squeal and hug her. That mental image is slightly disturbing. Anywho...

Eventually, Sasuke broke down at the sight of chibi-Sakura, and let her into his house. Sakura smiled happily.

"Thank you Sasuke-kun!" she chirpped as he led her to his second guest room. Sasuke's house had many bedrooms in it. Sasuke told himself he might as well keep them as bedrooms 'cause eventually he might get married. He shuddered at the thought.

After slamming that door behind Sakura, he walked back to his couch and hoped for peace and quiet. Things never work out for him.

There was another knock at the door. Sasuke was angry. His peace and quiet was being interrupted! He stomped over to the door, opened it up, and glared at the person outside. This time it was someone he didn't know.

On his pourch was a girl around his age with extremely long brown hair tied up in two pigtails with a few strands in her face. She was wearing a black t-shirt with the words "It's not my fault you fail at life" on it, a nametag that said "Hello, my name is Fis" and long jean shorts. She was holding a pizza box.

"Hello sir or madam," she said boredly, her eyes on the sky, "I'm hear to deliver your Shnaze Co. pizza."

Sasuke glared at her, "I'm a guy."

Fis brought her eyes down to meet his face, "Good for you."

Sasuke's eye twitched, "I didn't order a pizza."

Fis raised her eyebrow, "What's your point?"

"I don't want a pizza."

"Then why'd you order one?"

"I didn't!"

"Then why am I here?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to tell her to 'shove off' when Naruto picked that moment to walk by the door. He peaked his head over Sasuke's shoulder to see who he was talking too, and smiled.

"Sweet! Pizza!" he exclaimed grabbing the box from Fis and making his way over to the coffee table by the couch. Sasuke turned to glare at him.

"Did you order this?" he asked Naruto, who was stuffing his face with pizza.

Naruto shook his head, "I didn't, but why question it?"

Sakura chose that moment to make her entery. She saw the pizza on the table and smiled.

"Thanks Sasuke-kun!" she said as she grabbed a slice. Sasuke frowned even more.

"I didn't order it." Sakura raised an eyebrow at this. She turned towards Naruto.

"Did you order a pizza without Sasuke-kun's permission?" she asked him, all the while glaring at the poor fox boy. Naruto shook his head. Sakura frowned, "No one ordered this pizza, yet you're eating it anyway?"

"But Sakura-chaaaaaan," Naruto whined, "It's got a stuffed crust!"

"As entertaining as this is," Fis interruppted, "I'd like the payment for that pizza so I can leave. _Sir_."

Sasuke turned his attention back to her, "I'm not paying for this, I didn't order a Shnaze Co. pizza! What the heck is Shnaze Co. anyway?!"

Suddenly, that cheesey happy elevator music started playing and Fis said: "Well, _sir,_ Shnaze Co. is a multi-purpose corperation that uses it's vast resourses to make life easier for the common person. Shnaze Co. provides many survices such as pizza delivery, fishtank cleaning, assasanations, and stand-up comedy, to name a few. The staff at Shnaze Co. is always happy to serve, and ready on call to provide you with excelent service. It's Shnazey," After which the elevator music stopped, "We also sell pudding."

"Oo, oo!" Naruto said, "Get some pudding!"

"I'm don't want any stupid pudding!" Sasuke shouted back at him.

"It's quite good pudding, _sir_," Fis interjected.

"I could go for some pudding," Sakura added.

This was giving Sasuke a migrane, "FINE! I'll get some stupid pudding! Then will you just leave!?"

"Yes _sir_," Fis said with a sarcastic smile on her face. She then produced three pudding cups. From where we don't know, "Would you like a spoon _sir_?"

Sasuke's eye twitched again, "Yes."

"Alright _sir_, that will be $5.29, _sir_."

"Whatever." Sasuke handed Fis the money and she handed him the pudding cups. She did not move from the pourch. Sasuke glared at her.

"What do you want now?"

"It's company policy to ensure customer satisfaction _sir_," Fis explained, "I can't leave untill you eat the pudding, _sir_."

"FINE!" Ripping off the top of a pudding cup, Sasuke stuck the spoon in and shoved some pudding into his mouth. After swollowing he said, "There! Are you happy now?!"

Fis smiled, "Very."

Suddenly, Sasuke froze. Next thing any of them knew, he fell to the ground twitching. Sakura was shocked.

"What did you do to him!?" she cried out at Fis.

"I didn't do anything," Fis explained, "the pudding did."

"Why'd you give Sasuke-kun poisoned pudding?!"

"It's his fault for not knowing it wasn't pudding. He IS supposed to be a ninja."

"It wasn't pudding?" Naruto asked, Fis shook her head, "Then what was it?"

"If I tell you," Fis said, "Then that guy's going to REALLY regret eating it."

"I think he already regrets eating it," Sakura said as she watched Sasuke twitch on the floor, "Why'd you do that any way?"

Fis shrugged, "I was paid to give it to him."

"We know he bought it," Sakura said exsasporated, "We want to know why you told him it was pudding."

"I don't!" Naruto shouted from over at the couch. He then narrowed his eyes at Fis, "This _is_ pizza I'm eating, right?"

Fis nodded, "Yup, the pizza's fine." At which Naruto smiled and continued to eat his stuffed-crust Shnaze Co. pizza. She turned her attention back to Sakura, "To answer your question, it wasn't _this guy's_ satisfaction that I was ensuring. I was hired by someone else to get him to eat that." she looked down at the still twitching Sasuke, "And my job isn't over yet." Fis then produced a poleroid camera. From where we don't know. She snapped a picture of Sasuke on the floor, one eye half open, and slightly foaming at the mouth, "Now my job is complete. Thank you for your participation, and enjoy your free Shnaze Co. pizza." Fis then turned on her heal and walked away.

"Wait!" Sakura shouted after her. Fis turned slightly, "He's going to be okay right?"

Fis nodded, "He'll be fine in about 20 minutes. Just make sure he doesn't go near any standing bodies of water for 2 days." and with that she walked away from the house and dissapeared from sight. Sakura closed the door.

"Well that was weird," she muttered to herself. She then dragged Sasuke (still twitching) over to his couch.

"Not that I'm complaining," Naruto started, "But I wonder who hired that girl to do that..."

* * *

It was a wonderful day at Hatake Kakashi's house. He sat on his couch, reading his coveted book, when there was a knock on the door. Kakashi walked over and opened it up to reveil Fis, standing on his pourch. 

"Hello sir or madam," she said, once again boredly, "I'm here to inform you that the service you asked of Shnaze Co. has been completed," she then handed the poleroid picture to the masked-nin, "Thank you for choosing Shnaze Co." she then turned on her heal and began down steps of Kakashi's pourch.

"You _do_ know I'm a guy right?" Kakashi called after her.

"Like it matters!" Fis shouted back at him before she dissapeared from sight.

Kakashi stood there for a moment, staring at the spot Fis had stood. He then shrugged, and closed his door.

* * *

Hope you liked it! Please review and request the next person to be visited by Shnaze Co.! 


	2. Chapter 2

w00t! I got **3** reviews! Isn't that just **amazing!?!?** If you didn't know, that was sarcasum. For all you people who read this story and didn't review, you suck. For the three people who DID review...YOU RULE! For reviewing, you just won yourself a poleroid photo of Sasuke foming at the mouth! Woo! And thank you RapistNoJutsu for giving me this idea. It's finally come, the next chapter! READ IT!

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Kisame was mad. You may be asking why our blue-skinned friend (well, maybe not friend, maybe shark-freak) was mad. I'll tell you. Kisame was mad because he was losing. He wasn't losing a fight. Oh no, this was FAR more important than some silly fight. This was a matter of life and death. This was...Monopoly. (I don't own Monopoly! That guy with the monocle does! DON'T SUE ME!) 

"Kisame, you own me $950." said the stotic Uchiha Itachi. Kisame gasped.

"That's no fair! You can't charge me that much, rent can't possibly be that much on St. Charles place!" Kisame retorted in his fury.

"It is," Itachi responed, "You rolled a nine, and landed on St. Charles place. I own St. Charles place, and I have a hotel it. Rent with a hotel is $950, so pay up."

Grumbling, Kisame procceded to count out the exact amount of the overly bright Monopoly money he would need to pay Itachi. He paused when he came to the realization that he didn't have enough. He sighed and handed Itachi all of the money he had. Itachi just stared at him.

"This isn't enough Kisame."

"I don't have any more! You sucked me dry!"

"Oh cut him some slack Itachi," A blonde (who shall be known as Deidara) interrupted, "Kisame doesn't have enough money. He doesn't have ANY money."

"That doesn't matter," Itachi responded, "He still ows me $300." The person sitting next to Kisame looked over at his side of the board. In front of Kisame was one single 'deed'.

"Hey Kisame," that person said, "You could pay him with the Boardwalk." For all people who've played Monopoly, you should know that the Boardwalk is the most expensive piece of 'land' in the whole game. It's right next to Go, and costs roughly about $300. The price for landing on it being $50. So far, no one had landed on the Boardwalk but Kisame, who was very proud of buying it. No way was he going to give it up!

"As if Hidan," Kisame snapped back, "I'm not giving the Boardwalk up, no way."

"Deidara-sempai!" a very annoying player shreiked, "I can't remeber which peice I am!"

Deidara was beginning to get a migrane. Why'd we let Tobi play again? Oh yeah, he's 'on the team now.' Sighing, Deidara responded, "Tobi, you're the shoe."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Then who's the dog?"

"Itachi-san."

"Oh...then who's the hat?"

"Kisame."

"OH...then who's that guy on the horse?"

"Me."

"Then what about the money bag?"

"That's Kakuzu."

"Then who's the ship?"

"Hidan!" Deidara shouted, "It's not that hard Tobi, you're the shoe, and you're currently stone cold broke!"

Tobi paused, "So...I win?"

Deidara sighed again and stared at the table. After a few moments of thought, he began to pound his head against it. Kakuzu chuckled.

"No Tobi," he explanied, "_I'm_ winning. You lost a long time ago. You have no hopes of getting any money, and frankly I've have no clue why you're still here."

"He's still there 'cause he's not comming over here!" a voice from accross the room called. The six Akatsuki members looked over to a couch where the other two of there organization were sitting. In front of them was a TV. On one end of the couch was Zetsu, who was contently munching on a large amount of dead flies (he IS a venus fly-trap sort of thing, so I figured, what else should he eat?) On the other end was the shadowy figure that we've come to except is the Akatsuki leader. It was from him the voice came from, "So will you keep it down!? We're trying to watch TV over here!"

Just then, the TV screen showed a picture of a very short little kid with rediculusly spikey hair shouting "It's time to duel!" He was wearing some sort of...necklace thingy that was rediculusly large. Standing near him was a cast of taller and equally odd-looking people shouting at him to win whatever game he was playing. Infront of him was a tall floating man in a purple robe with a staff. Across from that was a floating woman with wings and claws. Behind her was another woman (not floating) who was shouting about harpeys. Incase you haven't realized, because I've pretty much spelled it out for you, and I can't have made it more ovbious, Zetsu and AL were watching Yu-gi-oh. The two were great fans of the show, and would often spend hours at a time having 'duels' with there very own Yu-gi-oh cards. Zetsu would often lose these duels for he would get into horrible fights with his other self about which move was the best. The remaining six Akatsuki would just shake their heads, and rant on about how Death Note was the best anime, and how Yu-gi-oh sucked beyond all belief (though, secretly Deidara thought Pokemon was ssssoooo much better than Death Note). That is, except for Tobi, who just decided to spend his nights watchin Camp Lazlo, and laughing at the silly antics of a cartoon monkey, elephant, and albino pigmy rino.

"Shut up!" Zetsu shouted. Which Zetsu we're not sure, "Mai's just unleashed the Harpey's Pet Dragon!" At this statment, AL turned back around and fixed his attention on the TV. It seemed that there would be no more interruptions that night...that is, untill there was a knock on the door.

All the Akatsuki were shocked.

"Some one's here." Itachi stated blandly.

"Some one found our hiding place!" Deidara cried frantically.

"We have a front door!?" Kisame shouted confused.

"I'll get it!" Tobi said happily, for Tobi is such a good boy, and had to prove this by skipping, yes skipping, over to the door to answer it.

As he opened the door, an great gust of wind blew into the room, sending shivers down the Akatsuki's spines (except for AL 'cause he's just a shadow) and blowing out the only candle in the room. This candle was just a scented candle, and offered no function other to make the room smell like fresh daiseys. Blame the nameless member who was at this moment out on a flower picking expedition, and not expected back for several hours. Because this candle was simply there for scent purposes, the amount of light in the room was in no way deminished, so no one really cared that the candle was put out...that is untill the nameless member returned to find her scented candle out and in a blind fury decided to destroy everything that moved. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, back to the visitor.

The person at the door was...short. About the hight of a young teenager. They were wrapped in a black cloak with the hood covering their face, and were holding a large scyth that was gleaming evily in the moonlight.

"Who are you?" Tobi asked confused.

"I am...Death!" Death responded in a harsh wisper. Tobi was shocked.

"Who are you here for?"

Death moved closer to Tobi, raising it's scyth high in the air. More wind gushed through the door, almost knocking Tobi off his feet as a flash of lightning lit up the night sky (which is odd considering it hadn't been raining). Death leaned closer into Tobi's face, it's own face still obsured in shadow.

"Ask not for who the bell tolls," Death said in a stern voice, "It tolls for thee!" at which the scyth was brought down mear inches from Tobi's face, causing him to give a shriek so girly that even the girlyish of girly-girls would be ashamed to hear it. He then dropped to the ground in a dead faint.

Death then giggled maniacly and stated, "I've _always _wanted to say that!" Everyone was quiet, just staring at Death as it stepped over Tobi's motionless form and into the room. Death reached up and clasped the top of it's hood, slowly pulling it off of it's head.

To revieal not the fleshless face of the Grim Reaper, but the face of a young girl with exceptionally long brown hair, in messy pigtails. The Akatsuki were shocked.

"Who the $# are you?" Hidan asked, "'cause you sure as heck aren't Death."

The girl smirked. "Correct," she said as she ripped off her cloak, to show a black t-shirt with "WORKING HARD to find ways to slack off" writen on it, and some camo shorts. She also wore a nametag that said "Hello, my name is Fis." that's right, Fis had arrived.

"I have come with a package!" Fis shouted dramatically at the five consious (for lack of a better word) men in the room. They all just stared at her like she was insain. It took about 3 seconds for Itachi to storm over and tie Fis to a chair.

"Who are you." Itachi asked sternly. Fis only smirked.

"What are you blind? Or do you just lack he ability to read? Let me spell it out for you: I'M WEARING A NAME TAG."

Itachi scowled and activated his deadly sharingan, intent on doing away with this annoying girl. He was shocked to find that nothing happened.

Kisame was the first to realize somethig was wrong, "Hey Itachi, why aren't you, like, tormenting her soul or something?"

Itachi frowned deeply, "I'm trying to, but nothing is happening." Fis smiled and stuck her tounge out at the confused Uchiha.

"Sucker," she said, "You can't get me with sharingan! I operate on levels you can't DREAM of understanding!" As if to prove her point, Fis calmly got up off of the chair and let the ropes used to bind her fall to the floor. Itachi glared at her.

"How did you do that?"

"You suck at rope tying." Fis stated boredly, "Now can I get back to the reason I'm here?" The Akatsuki just stared at her, which Fis took as an invitation to continue. She cleared her thoat, "Hello sir or madam. I'm here to deliver to you a package. It was given with love to the people of Shnaze Co. to send to it's new home yatta yatta yatta." Fis then pulled out a large cardboard box. From where we don't know. She then procceded to open said box, and pulled out several smaller boxes. She looked at the lable.

"Which on of you freaks is Deidara?" she asked. After a few minutes, Deidara slowly raised hand. Fis walked over and handed the box to him, "That's for you ma'am." she said as she dropped the box in his hands. Deidara twitched.

"I'm a guy." he said, his voice full of malace. Fis just gave him a speculating look.

"You keep telling yourself that." she said before walking back to the collection of boxes on the floor. Fis reached down and grapped another box. She lifted it up and said, "This one's for Zetsu." Zetsu then raised his hand. At that moment, Fis decided not to waste energy by walking over to give the box to Zetsu, so she just threw it at him. It hit his...weird...planty...head thing. Zetsu grumbled then continued to watch as his fellow teammates were smacked in the heads with flying cardboard boxes. I've been hit with a cardboard box before. Well, actually I fell into one. You see, there was this really big cardboard box laying in my living room, and I had to get around it. I was running at the time, so I figured I'd just jump over it. Apparently I jumped to early and fell into it. I sat in the box for a second, then I giggled evily and flipped it over so I was underneith it. I stayed there for about 10 minutes, then I had to get out 'cause I was running out of oxygen. Why am I telling you this you ask?

Why, because I'm being payed to!

(suddenly, the authoress' secratary appeared and began muttering into her ear.)

...Wait, what do you mean I'm not being payed for this?

(The secratary muttered some more.)

That sucks! Who do I see about changing that?

(The secratary shrugged.)

That's it! You are SO fired Sheril!

(Sheril burst into tears and ran from the room.)

Crap, now I have to get a new secratary...wait, I was telling a story wasn't I?

Right, back to the story. Fis had just handed out all of the Akatsuki's packages. They all just stood there, looking back and forth between their boxes and Fis, who just stood in front of the door.

"Are you going to leave anytime soon?" Kakuzu asked her. Fis shook her head.

"I can't leave untill I'm SURE you got your packages."

"But we _did_ get our packages," Deidara said, "We're holding them."

"You can never be to careful ma'am."

Deidara twitched, "For the last time! I'm a GUY! I like dirt and bugs and reading Shōnen manga!"

"That proves nothing!" Fis shouted back, "Just as many girls read **Shōnen** manga! And I no for a fact that there's at least ONE boy who reads Shōjo manga!"

Somewhere out there, Yakushi Kabuto gave a violent sneeze.

"A darn it!" Kabuto shouted, "Now there's snot all over the Ichigo's face! How am I going to know how she reacts to what Kish is saying?!"

Back to the Akatsuki lair...place...thing.

"For the love of Jashin!" Hidan called out, "Can we just open the boxes and get this girl out of here!? We'll leave questioning Deidara's gender for later!" Deidara twitched again. He should really see a doctor about that. In unison, the Akatsuki opened their boxes. It was like they were the sincranized box-opening team. I give it a 10! w00t! Wait! Kisame's box is still partially closed! Boo! Boo I say, boo! No 10 for you! ...w00t, that rhymed.

Each of the Akatsuki reached into their boxes (in unison) and pulled out what looked like a giant puzzle peice. Why did it look like a giant puzzle peice you ask? Silly reader, that's because it WAS a giant puzzle peice! They all blinked (in unison) and looked at Fis with questioning faces (also in unison.)

"Who sent these to us?" AL asked.

Fis shrugged, "I just deliver them, I don't do background checks on the sender...then I again, I probably should. I mean, those could have been bombs! I would have been carrying around a bomb!" Fis then proceeded to hyperventilate on the floor. The seven standing Akatsuki members just raised an eyebrow. Well...except for AL 'cause I don't think he has any. An you couldn't really tell that Kakuzu was raising a eyebrow, what with his mask thing and all. Huh, on well.

After more twitching on the floor, Fis looked up and noticed the Akatsuki staring at her. She quickly regained her cool, "Sorry about that. Anyway, yeah, don't shoot the messanger. Maybe you should, I don't know, but the pieces together or something. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do a background check on whoever sent that package." and with that, Fis walked out the door and slammed it behind her.

The Akatsuki were silent. Then (in unison) they walked to the middle of the room and proceeded to put the puzzle together. I didn't take them long to realize that there were words on the puzzle. One word to be exact.

"Boom?" Itachi said.

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto was sitting on Sasuke's couch with Sakura. They were currently watching Fear Facter on Sasuke's TV. They still hadn't gone home. Just then, a large boom shook the house. The whole foundation rattled, and furniture was flung all about. After the shaking stopped, Sakura got to her feet. 

"Was that an earthquake?" she said as she tried to stop her knees from trembling. Naruto got up from his landing place behind the couch.

"I don't know," he said, shaken, "It sounded more like an explosion."

Just then there was a knock on the door. Naruto opened it and saw Fis standing on his pourch. He didn't give any thought to the fact that her camo pants were singed, or that part of one pigtail was still on fire. He just stared at her.

"Hello sir or madam," Fis said, tiredly, "I'm here to inform you that the service you asked of Shnaze Co. has been completed," she then licked a finger and snuffed out her burning hair, "Thank you for choosing Shnaze Co."

Naruto smiled and nodded. He closed the door and walked back over to the couch.

"Who was that Naruto?" Sakura questioned.

"Oh no one." The two then settled down to watch as some poor unforunate soul was forced to eat a peice of raw capybara meat.

* * *

Woo! This chapter is over! **OVAH!!** I just realized I made a lot of references to things in this chapter. Let me explain:

**Yu-gi-oh** is an anime/manga about a kid who saves the world by defeating people in card games. For some reason it's popular.

**Death Note** is an anime/manga about a kid with a magic notebook that lets you kill people by writing down their names. That kid uses it to purge the world of crimanals, all the while being hunted down by a random investigator none as L.

**Pokemon** is an anime/manga I shouldn't have to explain, 'cause you probably already know what it is.

**Camp Lazlo** is a cartoon about animals who go to a summer camp and don't seem to have actual homes. It's a very happy cheesey show.

**Harpey's Pet Drag on** is a monster in the previously explained Yu-gi-oh game/show.

**Cardboard** is a material that comes from trees, and is used to make boxes and many other containers.

**Sheril** is...er..._was_ my secretary

**Shōnen manga** is manga that was created for young or teenaged boys. It usually has more bloody scenes, and the main character is put through great trama, has many battles, and is not always victorious.

**Shōjo manga** is manga that was created for young of teenaged girls. It usually has more romance, and the main character is usually a very happy bubbly girl who comes out on top most of the time.

**Ichigo and Kish** are character is an anime/manga known as Toyko Mew Mew, which is cheesey and extremely frilly...yet oddly addicting.

**Fear Factor** is a show that puts it's contestents through scary, dangerous, or discusting challenges to wittle away the competition, then awards a large amount of money to the last one standing.

**A capybara** is the world's largest rodent, about the size of a small dog. It comes from tropical and temperate parts of South America, but has also been introduced to north-centeral Florida.

Capybara: Hello, I'm a capybara, who are you?

N-C F: Hello Capybara! I'm north-central Florida!

Capybara: So nice to meet you!

IF YOU REVIEW YOU GET A LARGE CARDBOARD BOX. SO REVIEW ALREADY!


	3. Chapter 3

OMG, I got **1 **new review! It's amazing! I think I'm going to die of the excitment!!!! (dies) Oh wait (comes back to life) That isn't exciting...fine! I'll die of disapointment! (dies) Okay, well, The Fire in Your Skin, you reviewed, so you get a prize! Be happy.

* * *

It was a lovely day in Konaha. Then again, it's usually a lovely day in Konaha. It's always bright and sunny, that is, unless something terribly sad or dramatic happens, then it suddenly starts raining as if to fit the mood. Oh! And there was that time that Hurricane Kuri blew in, but that's another story. 

So yes, it was a lovely day in Konaha. People were smiling and laughing. Children were playing in the streets. In general, it was a good day. That is...untill something more scary than death walked through the market place.

No, it wasn't Uchiha Itachi. He and the other Akatsuki were busy finding a new lair and recovering from thrid degree burns.

No, it wasn't Orochimaru. He was chilling in his lair with Kabuto and watching the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

No, it wasn't a hord of evil squirrels. They were busy taking over Suna.

**IN SUNA**

"How the heck did all these squirrels get here!?" Temari screached as she and her younger brother Gaara baricaded the door to their house.

"I don't know!" Gaara shouted in return, "Just shut up and keep the door closed! Those squirrels already got Kankuro, and I don't want to end up an acorn substitute!"

**BACK IN KONAHA**

Now that we've gotten back from out little trip to Suna, lets get back to our silly little story. As I was saying, something more scary than death walked through the market place. It was...

...not yet...

...still not now...

...okay, now.

It was Rock Lee. And he was SKIPPING.

"Good day youthful citizens of Konaha!" Lee said youthfully as she skipped through the market on his way home. The tranquility of Konaha was broken. People screamed and ran for their lives. Children cried and shreiked for their parents. Every Lee fan-girl within a 6 mile radius squeed and charged in the general direction of the market. They of course were tworted by Konaha's Fan-Girl Defence Leage. Thank you KFGDL, another anime character was saved thanks to your hard work.

Ehem, right.

"Yosh!" Lee exclaimed youthfully, "Your youthfullness inspires me! I shall RUN to my house!" And so that's what Lee did. He ran to his house. Youthfully.

When Lee finnally made it to his house, he was shocked.

He was shocked because Lee's house is usually surrounded by a group of very happy squirrels. These squirrels would line up every day infront of Lee's house, waiting for him to give them their daily nuts. That's actually why Lee was at the market to begin with. He had run out of nuts the other day, so he needed to buy some more. Unfortuantly for the world...or more precicely Suna, the squirrels got tired of waiting for him, and decided to go reek havic on the unsuspecting village of Suna.

After Lee got over his shock, he shrugged (youthfully) and went inside of his house. After he put his back of various nuts on the counter (youthfully) there was a knock on his door. He youthfully skipped over to his door, and opened it. Youthfully.

Standing in front of him were two girls around his age. One was slightly shorter than the other, and had extremely long brown hair that was up in pigtails. Her black shirt said "WARNING: Easily distracted by bright and shiny objects." and a nametag reading "Hello, my name is Fis." The other girl standing next to her was a rather tall blonde girl with a number of blue streaks in it. She was absent-mindedly curling a stray ringlet of her hair around one of her thin fingers as she stared over his shoulder with clear blue eyes. She was pale, making the dark bags under her eyes stand out. Perched on top of her head was a rather silly looking hat that read "TRAINEE" and her nametag read "Hello, my name is Fiys."

Lee stared at the two in confusion (youthfully).

Fis quickly nudged the other girl. Fiys didn't snap out of her daze, but mearly sighed.

"Bonjour, monsieur ou madame," Fiys said with a florished French accent. Fis groaned and smacked Fiys over the head.

"Wrong language." Fis stated sternly (try saying that five times fast!) as she ignored Fiys' mutterings of pain. She then turned to Lee, "Please excuse her, she's new at this."

Lee just continued to be confused...youthfully.

Fiys seemed to have finnally composed herself, "Hello sir or madam," she began again, "I'm have a delivery from Shnaze Co." Fiys then produced a large box. From where we don't know. At the sight of the box, Lee's eye lit up with joy.

"One of my youthful friends sent me a present!?" Lee cried. Youthfully. He then snached up the box and ripped it open. Inside was another box, this was wrapped up in bright green paper. His eyes lit up again. "Such a youthful choice of wrapping paper!" he cried. He then ripped that paper off. Under it, there was another layer of wrapping paper. Lee raised one of his youthfully thick eyebrows and took that paper off. To reveal MORE wrapping paper! Lee looked up at the two girls on his pourch in confusion. Fiys was busy painting her nails, while Fis has began to surround herself in origami cranes. Lee just shrugged (youthfully) and continued to rip the wrapping paper off.

**SIX HOURS LATER**

"You'll never take me alive you evil squirrels!" Temari shouted at the sea of fur underneith her. She was flying quickly away on her fan. Tears lay just behind her eyes, as Temari had seen her youngest brother fall to the mass of evil rodents only minutes before. Oh no, she wasn't worried about his safety. He was probably fine. It's just that Gaara had the house key, and with her luck, Temari probably wouldn't be able to get into the house for at least another day. She quickly fled away from the over-run Suna. Making her way towards the only place she knew would be safe from the furry devils.

**BACK IN KONAHA**

Wrapping paper covered the ground around the home of Rock Lee. Said ninja was busy youthfully ripping various colored paper off of the mysterious 'present' he had been sent. Fiys had gathered up a small moutain of paper shreds, burrowed into it, and had promtly fallen asleep. Fis had gotten out her iPod and was busy singing along to Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, by Fall Out Boy.

"One night and one more time

Thanks for the memories

Even though they weren't so good!" Fis sang softly as she danced around near Fiys' moutain of paper.

At this time, Lee had finnally ripped off the very last of the wrapping paper to reveal...

...not yet...

...still not now...

...okay, now.

To reveal absolutly nothing. His 'present' had been nothing but a large square of wrapping paper. Lee's eyebrow twitched. Youthfully. Lee then proceeded to facefault.

Fis noticed this, and walked over to the pile of paper. She then proceeded to take out a bat. From where we don't know. She brought the bat down on top of the pile. A small squeak could be heared. Fiys' head popped out of the top.

"What was that for?!" she shouted at Fis, who pointed over at Lee, "Oh, right." Fiys dislodged herself from the paper shreds, and calmly walked over to Lee (who wouldn't be getting up anytime soon).

"Thank you for ordering the gift wrap sampler from Shnaze Co." Fiys said with a smile, "We hope you have a good day!" Then Fiys and Fis quickly walked away from Lee's house.

* * *

Hyuuga Neji was calmly playing his favorite game, Evil Dead, when there was a knock on his door. 

'Hinata will get it' he thought to himself as he kicked zombie butt with a chainsaw. His prediction was correct.

"Neji-niisan!" Hinata called out to him, "There's someone here for you!" Sighing, Neji paused his game and walked over to the door. He looked at the people who had disturbed him.

"Hello sir or madam," Fiys said to him, "I'm here to tell you the service you requested of Shnaze Co. has been completed. Have a nice day." Then Fiys walked away from the Hyuuga residence. Only when Neji had closed the door did he alow himself to let out an evil laugh.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed, "Lee won't be at training tomorrow, and Gai-sensei will surely rush to his aid when he see's he's missing! I won't have to deal with EITHER of them!" Neji then proceeded to laugh even more evily.

"NEJI!" a very angery voice called, "STOP LAUGHING!"

Quickly, Neji regained his composure, "Yes Hanabi-sama!" he shouted before returning to his game. The rest of the night would be spent distroying the rebeling undead...

* * *

Hope you liked it! It was a bit shorter than the last one, but I hope it was funny anyway. REVIEW OR BE DESTROYED!!!!!!! 

(random dude scurries in and wispers in Fis' ear)

What do you mean I can't destroy them?

(more wispering)

That sucks! You are SO fired Drew!

(Drew bursts out in tears and flees the room)

(sweatdrop) I've got to stop doing that...


	4. Chapter 4

Hooray! New chapter! Are you happy now The Fire in Your Skin? I POSTED!! Woo! Oh, and for the...what is it...3 people? that reviewed, you won the Shnaze Co. gift wrap sampler!! (sampler may include rabbid squirrel. Shnaze Co. is not responsible for any injuries sustained while handling said rabbid squirrel). Okay then, you go off and read this chapter, and I'm off to play with my Death Note finger puppets! w00t!!!!!!

* * *

It was an important day for Konaha. Today was the Annual Hokage's Correnation Ball. Basically, that means the current Hokage gets to throw a party for no reason and charge it to the fudal Lord of the Fire Country. This year, Tsunade was expecting a big turn out. Every ninja and his or her family was invited, along with several important civilians. Everyone new it would be a night to remeber. 

...that is, except for Shizune. She was expecting it to go horribly wrong. With good reason of course. The party was that night, and Tsunade had failed to hire a caterer. Hundereds of people would be crowded around the Hokage mansion expecting to be entertained and fed. Some one was NOT going to be happy when they figured out there was no food or music. Yeah, I'm talking about the Akimichis. And no one wants to be in the same room with a bunch of extremely hungry human tanks.

So, as Tsunade napped on her desk, and Shizune was huddled in her Corner of Impending Doom, Shizune had a brain spark.

"That's it!" she shouted, causeing Tsunade to groan and mutter in her sleep, "There's only one place that would be able to pull this off on such short notice!" She then sprung from her Corner of Impending Doom and threw open the door, "Izumo! Kotetsu! Get me Shnaze Co!"

* * *

Tsunade raised an eyebrow at the two figures in front of her. 

"Aren't you two a little young to be working for a catering company?" she asked them.

"Asks the woman who hires 12 year olds," the shorter one said sarcastically. Tsunade twitched.

"Point taken. So, can you get this party ready by tonight?" The two stole quick glances at each other.

"We're going to have to consult about this," the shorter one said again. Tsunade nodded her approval and the two surried out of the room.

"Can we get such a big party ready in a few hours?" the taller one asked.

"Fiys, Fiys, Fiys," the other one said while shaking her head, "Rule one of Shnaze Co: It's not about how much time you have, it's about how much you're being payed for a rush job." Fiys pondered this for a moment.

"...I thought rule one of Shnaze Co. was that if the job goes belly up to run like heck." The other girl (who shall be known as Fis) paused.

"...Shut up." The two then returned to the room.

"So, can you do it?" Shizune asked hopefully. The two glanced at each other again.

"How much are we getting for this?" Fiys asked tentitivly.

Tsunade lifted her head from her hands, "As much as you need. Just give us the bill afterwards and I'll make sure you get paid."

"Sold!" Fis said triumphantly, "We'll get to work right away!" she then dragged Fiys out of the room and ran down the hall.

Tsunade and Shizune stared at the door as it closed behind the two receeding girls. Tsunade blinked several times, "Shizune," she began, "Why do I feel like I've just sold my soul to the devil?"

* * *

Assembled in the extremely large ballroom of the Hokage mansion was a small army of Shnaze Co. employees. All were standing at attention as 'General Fis' paced back and forth in front of them. 

"All right you maggots!" Fis shouted at them, "Our mission is to get this place party ready in exactly 4 hours! I expect all of you to follow my orders without question!" there was a cough amoungst the 'soldiers.' Fis spun around to face said cougher.

"Do you have a problem with that Shika-hime!?" she shouted. 'Shika-hime' (no, it's not Shikamaru) looked down at her and frowned.

"You know that's not my name," he said.

"What's your point?"

"I'm not a deer, or a princess. I'm a guy!"

"I realize this. I don't really care though."

Shika-hime twiched, "Fine _Malibu Child._"

"That's GENERAL Malibu Child to you Deer-boy." Fis then backed up to face the others, "Any other questions!?"

"Can I go to the bathroom?!"

"When do we get free food!?"

"Are we being paid for this!?"

"Bologna!"

"Could you repeat that again!?"

Fis twitched, "Is there any question that's not _bathed_ in _stupid_!?" (AN: Thank you Naruto Abridged X3)

Everyone was silent.

"Good! Now, GET TO WORK PEOPLE!" The assembled 'soldiers' immediatly scattered and began to put up decorations. Fiys slowly walked over to Fis, who had taken the important task of supervising.

"Excuse me, General," Fiys said as she saluted Fis, "What do you want me to do?" Fis contemplated this for a moment.

"I want you..." she began. Fiys leaned forward in anticipation. "...to..." Fiys' eyes widened as she waited for the answer, "...to get me a soda." Fiys then proceeded to smack herself on the face. Fis frowned.

"Hey, that's an important job!" she retorted, "I'm thirsty! Do you want me to get dehydraded?" Fiys shook her head.

"...No General. I'll get you your soda." Fiys then paused, "It's seems I've gone blind in one eye." Fis sweatdropped.

"Fiys."

"Yeah?"

"Take your hand off your eye." Fiys brought her hand away from her face, blinked, put her back, then took it off.

"...Amazing!" Fis sweatdropped again.

"Fiys."

"Yeah?"

"Go get me a soda."

"Yes sir!" Fiys then proceeded to scurry away to find a soda. She wouldn't be back for a while, for the only vending machine in the building was currently broken. SOME people didn't understand that you have to put more than 1 quarter into the machine. (cough)Kiba(cough). Anywho, the little Shnaze Co. elves worked away to decorate the ballroom and set up the snack bars and the stage. They were done with 15 minutes to spare, so they spent the remaining time playing poker. As to Shnaze Co. policy, they bet things they had found in the closet.

"I bet one feather duster."

"I'll see your feather duster, and raise you a moldy shoe."

"I...I fold."

"I bet one armadillo."

"You found an armadillo in the closet?!"

"...Yes..."

"O.o"

As you can see, it was an intense game.

* * *

The party was a success. Tsunade was congradulated by many ninja on the party. Let's look into some of their fates shall we? 

**Naruto** was elated to find they were serving ramen at the buffet, and happily ate to his hearts content. After attempting to get Sakura to dance with him (and getting shot down) he then asked every other girl in his age group...he had very limited options. Ino said no. Tenten let him down softly by dragging Neji off to dance with her and making the "maybe in a little while" excuse. Hinata fainted...wow, that's a shocker.

**Sakura** hung out with the other girls for a while, then tried to go find Sasuke. Naruto intercepted her and asked for a dance. She of course shot him down and then ran off to get shot down by Sasuke. She got mad when she saw all the other girls swarming him, and they all got into a large cat fight. We shall never know who won.

**Sasuke** brooded in the corner untill a large swarm of fangirls rushed at him. He ran like heck to escape the large fight that broke out. He wasn't seen again for the rest of the night.

**Ino** tried in vain to get Shikamaru and Chouji to do anything. She gave up after Naruto asked her to dance, which reminded her that she had to ask Sasuke. She got caught in the large fight, and was escorted out for attempting to use jutsu on some civilian girls.

**Shikamaru** did absolutly nothing.

**Chouji** ate happily at the buffet and then talked to Shikamaru once he was full. Then then fell into a food coma a few minutes later.

**Kiba** hung out with Shino a bit, then got bored. He and Akamaru then tried to prank his older sister Hana...who chased him into a closet and locked the door.

**Shino** named his bugs. All 4,916,392,825 of them. My favorite is Quincy.

**Hinata** quietly stood near her teammates and watched...someone . ... .>... Her little sister later found her and the two got into a conversation about the advanced gentle fist moves. After Hanabi was swept away by her friends, Naruto approched Hinata and asked if she wanted to dance. Hinata promptly fainted and later woke up in her bed. She wondered if it was all a dream.

**Rock Lee**ranted on about youth to his teammates who barley paid attention. He then 'took the challenge' to be the best dancer there and probably scarred many people for life.

**Tenten** tried to cover her ears during Lee's rant. Mintues after Lee left, Naruto asked her to dace. Not wanting to make him feel bad, she quickly grabbed Neji and fourced him to dance with her, telling Naruto 'maybe a little later.'

**Neji** was happy to do nothing the entire party, but was dragged onto the dancefloor by Tenten, who fourced him to dance with her to avoid Naruto. After 2 songs he heard giggling in the background and got very annoyed as Hanabi insisted that Neji and Tenten 'were in WUV!' He chased her around the ballroom for 10 minutes before giving up and going to find a table so he could brood about the Main House.

* * *

I don't care if this isn't as funny as the other ones, I've got little to no modivation right now, and I want to go get the Harry Potter book. THE DEADLY HALLOWS! I WANT THAT BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

I was bored, so I figured, 'what the heck?' I'll post a new chapter. I didn't before 'cause our internet was out. Oh, and I was busy knitting a blanket. It's orange and purple XP. If you can find any hidden meaning in that, I SHALL SPARE YOU PATHETIC SOUL FROM ETERNAL TORMENT!!!!!!!!!! ...or I'll just grant you a prize. I'm happy that the identity of AL was revealed. IT'S NOT YONDAIME HOKAGE! EAT THAT SUCKERS!!!! Another theory bites the dust. OH! And the TobiObito was smashed too. He's Mandara Uchiha! Which is odd...considering Mandara's supposed to be really old or something... Oh well. Thanks Fiys for giving me some great ideas for this chapter, you won a cyber cookie. ONWARDS TO THE SILLIENESS!

* * *

Sakura and Naruto were happily sitting on Sasuke's couch. It had been a few days, and Sasuke had woken up by now. He was still tramatized from the party, so he'd locked himself in his room. Sakura had tried to get him out, but he wouldn't listen. He'd put a sign up on his door reading:

"Do Not Disturb or be Beaten by a Cricket Bat."

This did not boad well with the moochers in his house. Well, it boaded well with one of them, but a certain pink-haired girl was not happy about Sasuke's anti-social-ness.

"Sasuke-kun!" she shouted would shout as she banged on his door, "Cricket hasn't been invented in this demention!"

Sasuke would not respond.

So that left us with Naruto and Sakura sitting on his couch, doing nothing. Well, Naruto was doing something. He was playing a video game on his new hand-held game console. He'd been playing the same game for 6 hours straight. Sakura was getting worried. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him blink. He would of course swear loudly every now and then, which asured her that he was still alive.

"Naruto," she began, "What are you playing?" Naruto apeared to have snapped out of a trance. He blinked rappidly, and looked at the girl sitting next to him.

"Oh, sorry. I'm playing DeathMurderSlayerz Part 6: The Blade of Ten Thousand Sins. I need to beat this part before Part 7: The Sin of Ten Thousand Blades, is released next week."

Sakura blinked, "Oh." She turned to look out the window for a second, then she remebered something, "Hey, wasn't that game banned in Konaha 'cause a bunch of kids got scarred for life?"

Naruto nodded as he continued to play his overly-violent game, "Yeah, but I ordered it through Shnaze Co. Apparently, they deliver contraband items in unmarked boxes so people can play games deemed too violent for anybody. That's how I got Part 5: Return of BoneQueenDevilMistress last month. I just beat that yesterday, and this part was delivered earlier today."

"When?" Sakura asked, "I didn't hear anyone come to the door."

Naruto chuckled, "Silly Sakura-chan! They don't deliver contraband through the door! The delivery girl snuck through the window."

"They broke in!?" Sakura gasped.

"Nah, I left the window of my room open."

"Oh."

There were several moments of silence.

"Hey Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah Sakura-chan?"

"Doesn't that guest room not HAVE a window?"

"..."

* * *

Meanwhile, back on the ranch...I mean, back with our two heros Fis and Fiys. Fis was standing in the Hokage's ballroom. She was obviously waiting for someone. Sighing, she began to tap her foot on the stone floor. 

Suddenly, the main door burst open and Fiys ran into the room panting.

"There you are!" Fiys shouted, "I lost you for a minute!"

Fis glared at Fiys, "I haven't moved since you left."

Fiys blinked, "Oh."

"Did you get the soda?" Fis asked.

"Oh!" Fiys shouted, "Here you are!" She then pulled out the soda Fis'd asked for in the last chapter. From where we don't know. She then handed it to Fis.

Fis stared at the soda for a minute, "This soda smells like evil."

Fiys began to sweat, "I'm so sorry! I can explain, you see-"

"I'm glad you got the right brand," Fis smiled as she opened her soda of DOOM, "The last trainee got me Mountain Dew. I _hate_ Mountain Dew." she then procceeded to drink said evil soda.

After a few moments, Fiys said, "Um...ma'am? What do we do now?"

Fis chuckled, "Isn't it obvious? We go fill this list of orders that came in while you were gone!"

**And now for something completely different.**

Somewhere out there, the Akatsuki had set up a new evil lair. It was a busy day for them. Itachi and Kisame were out trying to think up a plan to capture Naruto. Deidara and Tobi were eating ice cream in the lair's kitchen. Zetsu was buying bug repelent. AL (aka Pein) and the Unnamed member were doing...evil Akatsuki stuff. Hiden and Kakuzu (yes they're still alive) were sitting on their new couch (the old one was destroyed in the explosion that annihalated their old lair). Sasori was doing nothing, 'cause Sasori was dead, and that's what dead people do.

Hiden was playing a video game, much like Naruto in the first scene, "Take that Kakuzu!" he shouted after a while, "I just beat your high score on DeathMurderSlayerz Part 4:  
Death of Lord KillPainAgony!"

Kakuzu frowned. Of course, we couldn't see him do that, 'cause he's always wearing a mask, "Shut up Hiden. Everyone knows you use cheat codes."

"What!?" Hiden shouted, "Who told you!? If it was Tobi, I swear he's lying!"

"Tobi didn't tell!" Tobi shouted, "Tobi is a good boy!"

**Back to the story**

It was a lovely day at Gai's house. Oddly, Gai's house is pretty much exactly the same as Lee's house, including the large swarm of happy squirrels. Gai was ejoying his day off by playing DDR: Youth Edition, in his pajamas. Oddly, Gai's pajamas consisted of a DIFFERENT green spandex unitard with bunny slippers. Considering it was his day off, Gai had figured it would be very youthful to stay in his pajamas all day (kind of like what I'm doing :3) While he was on the advanced level, there was a knock on the door.

"I must answer the door and greet my youthful visiters!" he shouted (youthfully) an rushed to the door. He pulled it open and saw our youthful Shnaze Co. employees. "Hello youthful children!" he shouted.

Fiys twitched, "I'm not going to lie to you, that wasn't sexy. That wasn't sexy at all. In fact, that was the anti-sexy."

Fis pulled out a rolled up newspaper (from where we don't know) and wacked Fiys over the head with it, "Sorry about that, she's been put on a new medication and-"

"THE TRAIN MAN DECIDES WHO COMES AND WHO GOES AND-" Fiys shouted.

Fis sighed and wacked Fiys again, "What have I told you about watching The Matrix when you can't sleep?!"

Fiys replied by cowering behind a very confused Gai and shouting, "Don't hit me!"

Fis sighed, "Just deliver the freakin' message."

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," Fiys replied straightening up, "Hello sir or madam, you have been randomly selected to receive the pre-release copy of DeathMurderSlayerz Part 8: Doom of HarmVampireKiller." she then pulled out a box, from where we don't know, and handed it to him. "Included is also the hand-held console that DeathMurderSlayerz is played on. There is also a form to fill out before you play the game. Place this form in the unmarked envelope inside and put it in the hole in the second tree to the right on the outskirts of the village. Have a nice day!" And with that, both Fis and Fiys dissapeared in a poof of smoke.

Gai blinked, "That was youthful," he said as he closed his front door.

**3 DAYS LATER**

Chocolate milkshakes are tastey. They're especially tastey when you can drink them without having to hear an old guy blather on about youth.

"Hey Neji," Tenten said, "Where do you think Gai-sensei is?"

Said Hyuuga genious looked up from the previously mentioned chocolate milkshake, "I believe Lee said he was busy at his house playing some video game or something."

Tenten raised an eyebrow, "Playing a video game for three days?"

"Apparently."

Tenten considered this for a moment, then shrugged and went back to her frozen yogurt.

* * *

And that's the end! Well, the end of this chapter. I still have some more ideas of other chapters, but those will come later. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play my advanced version of DeathMurderSlayerz Part 9: Revenge of the DarkMayhemSlashers. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Fis gets a new sidekick!

I'm not dead yet! Most of you probably thought I was. Hell, _I_ thought I was. But then I got bored, and wrote another chapter. DON'T KILL ME!! Anywho, here's the long awaited chapter of Shnaze Co. Hope you like it!

**

* * *

****Shnaze Co. Headquarters – Undisclosed Location**

Fis was stalking down a hallway, headed to the office of the President of Shncaze Co. Industries. There were a few things different about her. Her hair was cut in a pixie haircut (perhaps she ripped it out in frustration?), and she was alone. Where was her lovable (sort of) little trainee Fiys? The world may never know. Actually, we probably will know. Because someone is about to tell us. Now.

Yes. Right now.

Well, not right now, but in the upcoming conversation.

Go read it.

Go.

Fis barged into the office of the President of Shnaze Co. Industries. Sitting behind the large desk was an ominous figure shrouded in shadow. He (or she, we can't really tell) turned his gaze onto Fis, who was looking rather angry.

"What the hell happened to Fiys!?" she shouted.

The President (who we shall refer to as 'Boss') raised a shadow covered eyebrow.

"Fiys?" Boss said.

"Yes, Fiys. My trainee. You know, tall, blond, kinda flakey?"

Boss chuckled in amusement, "Ah yes, her. Well you see, after a while trainees stop being trainees. They become full-time delivery girls (or boys, depending). Or, in this case, they become messenger girls who get me my coffee in the morning."

Fis raised her eyebrow.

"Fiys needed a little more work," Boss explained, "she had some social interaction problems."

Fis sighed, "So what now? Do I just go about with deliveries solo like I used to?"

Boss shook his/her head, "No. You did so well with your last trainee, we decided to give you a new one." Boss pressed a button on his desk, conveniently located next to a Christmas snow globe featuring an evergreen tree and a happy snowman(1).

A trapdoor opened next to Fis, and a large tube shot out. The tube had one door located on the side.

Fis stared at it for a moment.

The tube started to rattle for a moment, but the door did not open. This went on for several minutes.

Fis turned towards Boss, "Are you going to open that?"

Boss replied, "Nope. I'm going to pass that duty onto one of my adorable underlings," he/she pressed another button.

In through the door came a rather frazzled looking Fiys, who's hair was sticking up at odd angles.

"You rang?" she said in a monotone.

"Yes," Boss said, "Could you kindly open the door on the tube right there?"

Fiys turned and stared at the tube, which was rattling with a renewed vigor. She sighed.

"Sure, why not." Fiys turned the knob on the tube's door, freeing whoever was inside.

A teenaged girl burst out of the tube.

"AIR!" she cried, panting on the floor. Fiys gave Boss a sarcastic salute, and left the room. Boss returned his/her attention back to Fis.

"This," he said, gesturing towards the girl on the floor, "is Yuri. She will be your new trainee. You'll take her with you on all deliveries, or for anything else you're hired for. Show her the ropes, and all that jazz."

Yuri rose to her feet. She was about Fis's height (5' 4'' or so), with short straight red hair. On her head was the traditional trainee hat.

"Trainee Yuri reporting for duty!" she said.

Fis raised an eyebrow (again), "Yeah, sure. Just follow me." And with that the two exited Boss's office.

Once they were out of earshot Yuri turned to Fis.

"I think we're going to have a great time getting to know each other while working," Yuri said happily.

Fis stopped walking, "You're happy."

Yuri nodded her head hesitantly.

"That'll end fast."

* * *

(1) If any of you have read "The Problem With Snow Globes" you'll get the referance.


	7. Slim fast?

OMG I updated. I can't believe I updated so soon. DON'T EXPECT THIS! This is a rare event people. Feel joy!

* * *

Hyuuga Neji is rarely confused. He is usually able to figure out any problem using either his amazing intellect, or his byakugan. But unfortunately for Neji, not all situations can be understood simply by being able to see through solid objects.

Neji was currently in on of those situations. He was sitting in the Hyuuga dining room, eating a well balanced breakfast. Standing on either side of him were his teammates, Rock Lee and Tenten.

"Why exactly did the two of you feel the need to intrude on my breakfast?" Neji asked, in the cool manner of his.

"Neji," Tenten began, her eyes shining with determination and concern, "Lee and I are getting a little worried about you."

Neji raised an eyebrow at that remark.

"Tenten is right," Lee continued, "you haven't been nearly as youthful lately."

Neji put down the spoon he had been using to eat his previously mentioned well balanced breakfast, "What exactly are the two of you trying to say?"

"Neji," Tenten hesitated a bit, "We think you're getting fat."

There was an awkward pause.

"I didn't see that coming," Neji mumbled to himself.

"Tenten is right Neji," Lee said, "don't you want to look like this?" he then produced a large poster. From where we don't know. On the poster was a rather skinny woman in a blue dress posing for the camera. Neji studied it for a moment.

"Lee," he began, "that's a woman."

There was another pause.

"What's your point?"

"I'm a man."

Lee was dumbstruck, "B-but, the hair-"

"I assume you also thought I was a woman?" Neji asked, turning toward Tenten.

"Nope," she said, looking at her other teammate, who was mumbling to himself about long hair, "I don't have Lee's gender issues."

She turned back to Neji, "but the fact remains Neji, you need to go on a diet."

"Do I have any say in this matter?"

"Nope!" Lee said, finally snapping out of his daze, "We've even hired some youthful nutritionists to make sure you're eating healthy."

The door suddenly burst open, causing the three ninja to jump into battle stances.

Standing in the door way was a young teenaged girl with short brown hair. Pinned to her shirt was a nametag reading "Hello, my name is Fis." Behind her another teenaged girl with short red hair and a rather silly looking hat on could be seen.

"Was it really necessary to kick the door down?" the redhead asked.

"In fact it was Yuri," Fis explained, "that's one of the many things you'll learn as you advance in this business."

"YOU!" Neji shouted, pointing at Fis, "What are you doing here?"

"AH!" Lee shouted, "You must be the nutritionists we hired to restore Neji's youthfulness!"

"That's us," Fis said in a monotone, "We're here to help your friend with her weight issues."

"I'M A BOY!" Neji shouted, "What do I have to do to prove that to you people!?"

"Well you could always drop your sh-" Yuri began, but she was quickly silenced by an elbow to the ribs, courtesy of Fis.

Tenten looked at the scene nervously, "Why don't we just leave the three of you alone?" she said as she dragged Lee out of the room. There was a pregnant pause.

Neji was faced with a pivotal choice on what to do next. He decided to completely ignore the two girls standing in the doorway, and return to his breakfast.

Fis narrowed her eyes, "That cereal is horrible for you," she stated, "It'll go straight to your thighs."

Neji rolled his eyes, "Look, I don't need a nutritionist, and I will continue to eat this cereal," he then scooped up a large spoonful of sugary marshmallows (What other cereal would be suitable for a Hyuuga?).

Fis's eyes narrowed even more, "Drop it," she said, a hint of warning in her voice.

Defiantly, Neji shoved the entire spoonful into his mouth, and swallowed it in one bite.

"Yuri!" Fis said, signaling her trainee. Yuri then whipped out a spray bottle (from where we don't know) and sprayed Neji in the face. The Hyuuga shouted in surprise and pain and toppled over out of his seat.

"This is a training method they use in circuses," Fis explained, ignoring the shrieks of agony coming from the ninja, "whenever an animal misbehaves, they are sprayed with water."

"Water wouldn't make him do that," Yuri examined, curiously staring at the agonized shinobi.

"Excellent observation my little trainee," Fis said, "and water also wouldn't be nearly as effective against a person, which is why we're using hydrochloric acid."

Neji soon came to realize the futility of going against the strict eating regimen the two Shnaze Co. employees set for him. After several horrible experiences with the acid (and several mental scars), Neji was effectively trained to not eat anything fatty, salty, sugary, carby, greasy, artificial flavor-y, or in anyway unhealthy.

Needless to say, he looked fabulous come bathing suit season.

Wootness - reviewers get a poster of a rather skinny woman in a blue dress posing for the camera.


	8. What's that smell?

Hey peoples! It's been quite a while since I last updated ANYTHING, but such is life. I haven't had any inspiration for this story until about half an hour ago. I decided to make it official that the time-skip has now happened. Everyone's about 15-16 now, mkay? ONWARDS TO VICT- I mean, ONWARDS TO THE STORY!

* * *

Training ground eight was oddly silent as Yuhi Kurenai approched it on her way to meet her genin squad. Not that they were genin anymore, all three had achieved chunin status years ago. And really, the silence wasn't too odd considering the atitudes of Kurenai's students. Hinata was and most likely forever will be a soft spoken person, while you'd be hard pressed to get Shino to say anything. It fell on the shoulders of her last student, Kiba, and his giant dog to make up for the lack of noise that hovered in the air around his teammates. Usually, the man and dog duo could be heard roughhousing with each other as their sensei arrived, but today all noise was absent.

As she stepped into full view of the training ground, Kurenai discovered why. Standing in the shade of an oak tree, Hyuuga Hinata stared off into space, while the ever stoic Shino stood next to her doing…whatever it is he does. Counting his bugs in his head or something. Kiba though, was noticablly absent.

Frowning, Kurenai turned to her students "Where's Kiba?"

Hinata jumped a little, surprised by her sensei's appearance. Shino gave no outward signs of any emotion as he said "He hasn't shown up yet."

Kurenai found this odd. In all of the years Team 8 had been working together, Kiba was never late. NEVER.

Well…actually, there was one incident involving a team of traveling acrobats, a rather irritable mule, and a bucket of orange paint that caused Kiba to be five minutes late, but other than that…

Kurenai came to a conclusion swiftly, "Let's go to his house and see what's wrong."

And so the trio began their treck through the busy streets of Konoha to the large (and slightly smelly) Inuzuka compound. It wasn't that hard to find, as the trio had been over many times to Kiba's house.

That, and there was a large pack of dogs fighting over a chew toy in front of it.

Upon arrival, the dogs quickly took notice of the three humans, before reacting in the usual way. Shino was given a clear path to the door, allowing him to walk to the porch and ring the bell. Kurenai was sniffed in a friendly way as she passed, breifly being stopped so the canines could be scratched behind the ears. Hinata was promptly swamped with overenthusiastic furry animals, hell-bent on licking every inch of her face they could reach.

Shino and Kurenai, ignoring their teammates plight (this happened a lot) waited patiently for the door to the Inuzuka house to open. Moments later, a rather perturbed looking Hana opened the doors.

"Hello, I assume you're looking for Kiba?" she said.

Kurenai nodded. Shino did nothing.

Hana gerked her head towards the entry way, "Come on in."

While Hinata attempted to free herself from the mass of vicious-killers-turned-friendly-puppies, Shino and Kurenai were led through the Inuzuka complex, towards the visinity of Kiba's room. As they got closer, Kurenai couldn't help but notice something.

"What's that awful smell?" She asked, slightly swooning from a sudden light headedness. Shino showed no signs of being effected. Hana grunted in displeasure.

"That's Kiba."

Shino and Kurenai gave her incredulous looks (or at least, Kurenai did. Shino just looked at her). Hana sighed, and then explained.

"Today he was supposed to take a bath, but he holled up with Akamaru in his room, and is fighting off everyone who tries to come in. The smell got so bad, mom can't even get close to the door anymore!"

Kurenai turned to the door, and muttered, "That sounds like something he would do."

Hinata had arrived sometime during Hana's explanation, and meekly muttered something, "Neji-niisan told me about this company that could help."

* * *

The doorbell of the Inuzuka house rang once more, again to be opened by Hana. On the doorstep were two teenaged girls. Over the edges of their gas masks, one could see that one had short brown hair, while the other sported slightly longer red hair, and a hat with the words "Trainee" on it.

The brown haired one, sporting a nametag that said "Hello, my name is Fis" addressed Hana through her gas mask, "Hello sir or madam, you called about a clean-up job?"

Hana nodded her head, and led the two girls towards Kiba's room. The rest of Team 8 watched in silence. Hana pointed towards the door the ungodly smell was spewing forth from.

"He's in there. Be careful though, he's a little…vicious."

Fis turned her head to Hana, "Ma'am, we're professionals. There's nothing in there we can't handle."

Slightly dubious, Hana gestured for the two to carry on. Fis and her Trainee (who anyone who's read this story knows is named Yuri) quickly opened the door, ran inside, and slammed the door behind them.

Though muffled by the wood of the door, Team 8 plus Hana could hear the words of the occupants of the stink zone.

"Who are you two!?"

"Arf!"

"She didn't say we'd be cleaning a _boy_! He's cute!"

"Sir, resistance will only make this worse."

"Get that thing away from me!!"

"Arf arf!!"

"The sooner you calm down, the quicker this will take."

"GAH!!" this was followed by a crash.

"I get to take his shirt of!!!"

"Sure, whatever. Just pass me the steal wool, would ya?"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

There was another resounding crash, followed by some whimpering and the desperate cries of a young man.

"Someone get these psyco's away from me! For the love of all that is holy, IT BURNS!!!"

The audience to this noisy spectacle was beginning to regret their decision. In fact, Kurenai was about to rip open the door and rush to the rescue of her student. Before she could, Kiba (now smelling like a fresh spring meadow and noticeably shirtless) burst through the entryway, quickly followed by Akamaru with his tail between his legs. Both man and dog hind behind the assembled group as the two Shnaze Co. employees exited the room.

"The clean-up job you requested has been completed," Fis said through her gas mask, "Thank you for choosing Shnaze Co."

Yuri turned to the cowering Kiba and gave him a small wave, "See ya cutie!"

Both girls then disappeared in a plume of smoke.

Silence ran through the hall the group stood in, no one knowing quite what to say about what had just transpired.

"So," Shino said, in a monotone, "Anyone want to get icecream?"

* * *

And to this day, Kiba flinches at the words "Shnaze Co."

How was it? Please leave all commets, questions, health concerns, and fruit baskets in your reviews.


	9. OBJECTION!

Guess who's baaaack~! Yeah, I was randomly reading the review I got for this story, then I figured "It'd be nice to get more of those...guess I should upload something."

So I did.

8D

* * *

"Uzumaki Naruto," The ANBU said as he stopped a tall blonde teen in the street, "This letter is for you." Naruto was handed a small scroll before the mysterious ANBU disappeared. He looked at the scroll in confusion before opening the seal. His eyes scanned back and forth as he took in the words. As soon as he finished, his eyes widened in shock.

"I'm being sued!?"

* * *

This is how Uzumaki Naruto found himself sitting in the only court room in Konoha. Said blonde was looking around in confusion, before he spotted someone he knew walking towards him.

"Ero-sennin!" he cried as Jiraiya approached his table. Jiraiya frowned at the name.

"Hey runt," he said, his voice slightly slurred, "that's nnnooo way to talk to you're lawwyer."

"Lawyer!?" Naruto shouted, "Why do I need a lawyer!? What the heck is even going on!?!" Jiraiya slid into the chair next to Naruto's, hiccupping as he sat down.

"Ya see kid," he slurred, "It seems that oooooone of you're little buuuddies is filing complaints about all the stttuff you did to them over the years." Naruto's eyes widened.

"What the hell!?" he shouted, "Is that even legal!?"

"I don't know kid," Jiraiya said before hiccupping again, "But it sure sucks for you." Naruto gave the older man an inquisitive look.

"You're drunk, aren't you." It was not a question.

"Of course not!" Jiraiya shouted, "A ninja always has to beee alert! A ninja has to beee aware of his surrooouuundings," he paused for a moment, "Has that jacket always been purple?" Naruto gave his sensei one last look before slamming his head into the table.

"I am so dead."

* * *

"All rise for the honorable judge Tusnade-sama," active duty bailiff Hatake Kakashi shouted from behind his fateful copy of Icha Icha. Jiraiya, Naruto, and the various people who had come to watch the proceedings all stood as the Godaime Hokage appeared.

Tsunade took her seat, closely followed by the rest of the court, "Alright, the court will now see the case of Haruno vs. Uzumaki."

"SAKURA-CHAN'S SUING ME!?" Naruto shouted in disbelief as his pink haired teammate entered the room, followed by Shizune. The two sat in the table adjacent Naruto's. Tsunade turned to face the jury.

"The defendant is being sued for public humiliation, mental trauma, and personal violation," she read to the nine figures sitting in the jury seats. Naruto quickly took notice of the fact all nine where wearing large black cloaks with red cloud designs. He immediately broke out into a sweat.

"The _Akatsuki_ are the jury!?" he whispered sharply to Jiraiya.

"Well yeah," the man replied, "No one elssse really wanted the job."

"But they hate me!" Jiraiya hiccupped once again, and then his face split into a lopsided grin.

"It's not lllike they're ploootting to kill yooou." Everyone's favorite jinchuriki looked up at Tsunade.

"Tsunade-baa-can!" he shouted, "Can I get another lawyer on a count of mine being totally wasted?"

Tsunade leveled a glare at the white haired man who was currently attempting to sip some sake while no one was watching. Rolling her eyes, she turned her gaze back to the blonde, "Sure."

Naruto smiled, before remembering he had no idea who could represent him in this case. He rubbed the back of his head nervously, before addressing the Hokage again, "Uh…know a good lawyer?"

With a sigh, Tsunade absentmindetly waved her hand at Kakashi, who dissapeared in a puff of smoke. There was momentary confusion before the cycloptic jounin reappeared. Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal two teenage girls.

Fis (now sporting a tie and brief case along with her t-shirt and cargo pants) was closely followed by her faithful trainee Yuri (Who was wearing a rather stylish suit along with her trainee hat) as the two walked over to the table Naruto was seated at. Yuri sat herself down to Naruto's left, while Fis pulled back the chair Jiraiya was in, causing him to fall uncerimoniously to the floor. Once both Shnaze Co. employees were seated nexted to the blonde shinobi, Tsunade cleared her throat.

"Now that that's out of the way," she began, "We shall now start this case."

Shizune stood from her seat, "Miss Haruno is filing a complaint that one Uzumaki Naruto has on several instances humiliated her, traumatized her, and invaded her personal bubble."

Tsunade looked over at Naruto, "How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, you're honor" Fis replied. Tsunade looked back over at Shizune.

"Can you present proof of these aligations?" she asked. Shizune nodded.

"I would like to call one Hatake Kakashi to the stand."

The entirty of the court room looked over to where Kakashi was standing. Being currently consumed by his book, the man was not paying attention to the proceedings of the court. That is, until Tsunade leaned over and smacked him upside the head. Having finally got his attention, Tsunade continued.

"Kakashi, you're being called as a witness."

"Oh? Don't I have to agree before-hand to be a witness?" the jounin countered.

"Not in this court. Now," Tsunade lifted up Kakashi's discarded novel and had him place his hand upon it, "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, or suffer a punch to the face?"

Kakashi nodded his head. Yuri took this time to whisper in Fis' ear.

"Don't you usually swear on the Bible?" she asked

"Ninjas aren't religious." Was the short reply.

"I heard that!" Hidan shouted from the jury bench.

"The jury will be silent during the court proceedings!" Tsunade shouted at the rouge shinobi. Hidan returned to his seat and muttered about encuring the rath of Jashin under his breath. Unfortunatly, this outburst opened the proverbial can of worms, as the court room turned to choas.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted, "I thought we were friends!"

"That was before you dropped a fish down my shirt!" Sakura shouted back.

Kakashi looked up from his book (that he had snached back after swearing upon). He turned to his enraged ex-student, "Where was I when this happened?"

Naruto pouted from his seat, "It was an accident! How was I supposed to know it was still alive?"

"That's not the problem!" Sakura shouted, getting to her feet, "The problem is you tried to get it back!"

"Sounds kinky," Yuri interjected. She was quickly delt a smack upside the head by Fis, who decided it would be best to defuse the situation.

"Excuse me!" Fis shouted. The court room quieted down. After all, shinobi as a whole are quite polite people (with the exception of a select few. As in most of them). Fis turned to Sakura, who was currently resisting the urge to strangle her teammate, "It's clear that Mr. Uzumaki had no malicious intentions when he…er…." She struggled to find the right words, "Screw it, when he put his hand down your shirt. Besides, at least he got the fish out, right? Grant it he _was_ the one who dropped it there in the first place but-" she was cut off by a tap on her shoulder.

"You're not helping me here," Naruto whispered.

Fis cleared her throat, "Right…besides! If there's anyone who should be suing someone in this room, it should be Mr. Uzumaki," she turned to Tsunade, "Over the years Miss Haruno has perpetrated severe physical damage to Mr. Uzumaki, often without logical reason."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, then glanced down at her watch, "Alright, I'll humor you. It's almost happy hour, I'm backed up on paperwork, and I want to get this over quickly. If you can prove that Sakura is physically abusive to Naruto on a regular basis, I'll drop this whole thing now, and everyone can go home happy."

"I'm not particularly happy right now," Naruto said .

"Shut up."

Fis cleared her throat, drawing attetion back to herself, "Our proof should be here momentarily."

At that moment, Fiys burst through the court room doors; in her hands a single VHS tape.

"I promised I'd get you in the story somehow," Fis said to her. She was then struck down as the VHS tape hit her squarly in the forehead.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" Fiys shouted. She then turned to Yuri, "And you! This is for taking my place!" Fiys then pulled out a bag of jelly beans (from where we don't know) and chucked them mercilessly at Yuri's head. Yuri didn't seem to mind this too much.

"Jelly beans!" she shouted, before indulging on the sugary candy. Fis walked up to the court room's TV (they have one there, okay?) and inserted the VHS tape.

"The following video montage will indeffinatly prove that Mr. Uzumaki is used as Miss Haruno's punching bag on numerous occasions," Fis then hit the play button.

Then followed various scenes of Sakura punching Naruto in the face, smacking him on the back of his head, and one particularly painful instance involving a barstool and three packets of hot sause.

"Oooh, that's gotta hurt," one guy from the audience said.

"Bet he felt that in the morning!"

"This is more violent than cable!"

Infact, the entire jury (Konan excluded) gave a sympathetic wince at one image of Sakura kicking Naruto in the gonads.

Naruto turned to the Shnaze Co. employees, "When did you guys film all this?" he asked, slightly creeped out.

Fis gave him a suspicious, squinty-eyed look, "We have our methods…"

Naruto had no response for this.

It was at this moment that Tsunade decided to interrupt, "Okay, I've seen enough. I honestly don't care enough about this silliness to let it continue. Jury, do you have a verdict?"

Pain (the current Akatsuki spokes person) rose from his seat, "We the jury find Mr. Uzumaki Naruto to be…." There was a dramatic pause. The audience was at the edges of their seats in anticipation. Naruto was biting his nails nervously. Sakura leaned forward in her seat, anxious for the verdict.

Finally, Yuri shouted, "Just get on with it!"

"….not guilty."

Naruto errupted from his chair and proceeded to do a rather silly victory dance. Sakura turned to the Akatsuki, and indignant look on her face.

"But you guys are his arch enemies! Would you want him to go to jail?"

Pain gave her a pointed look, "We can't very well abduct him if he's in jail, now can we? Everybody knows you're safer in prison than in the outside world."

The audience nodded in agreement. Kakashi peaked from over top of his book.

"It's true you know," he said, before returning to the perverted icon that is Icha Icha.

"Alrighty then!" Tsunade shouted, "Court ajorned. Everyone get out of here."

The occupants of the court room slowly trickled out into the hallway, and Naruto took this time to run up and question Sakura's motives.

"Sakura-chan," he said, pouting a little, "Why'd you try and sue me? I thought we were friends!"

"We _are_ friends, Naruto," Sakura replied, "I just can't have you reaching down my shirt. That privlage is granted only to Sasuke-kun."

There was an awkward silence.

* * *

Please take into account that I have almost no idea what really happens in court. Besides, this is comedy. Nothing makes sense in comedy.

Please deposite 25 cents to continue with this author's note. Then press the attractive review button and tell me what you thought.


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